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Child Development is assumed to involve emotional stages. One stage or step must consolidate before another one. The stages seem to come in order so that after one emotional foundation is laid another one becomes life's task.
When family, village, nation fails to provide the basic requirements for consolidation of an emotional stage one stays at that stage. A particular personality becomes one lot until one completes that stage and moves on.
In my life the conditions for Basic Trust were well supplied so that I gained the right to be and did not live in shame. Suffficient security and order were present that I did not get stuck with supplying order in my family and develop the "Super-Responsible" Personality (See Sandford Parental Inversion).
My mother grew up with high levels of Performance Orientation or People Pleasing. Her rule of the family imposed "IF you don't have anything nice to stay don't say anything at all." There was also no touching or tickling among syblings. She made ti known (unconsciously) that she was not cool with anger. So I began to stifle the spontaneous me to be good. I developed the psuedo-personality of the "good boy." I came to believe that avoiding confrontation, avoiding offending anyone and being nice was what love was.
When I was taught about Perfomance Orientation by John and Paula Sandford (Caroline, Alberta) I recognized the Personality Pattern I was stuck in. I confessed this and my pastor (Rev. Albert Baldeo) prayed for me and life transformation began.
Describes and define what is a traumatic experience,
Clarifies parenting and child discipline in
relation to my definition of trauma,
Exposure to the horror of people being killed through gunshots, bombs and battles produces a lasting impact on people that once was called shell shock. Being exposed to sudden and shocking violence can have the same effect now called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Schocking events seem to penetrate deeply into our consciousness, overwhelm our ability to order and understand them and leave residual unconscious material that seeps into our dreams and waking consciousness.
Ttrauma involves any emotional event that is shocking enough to imbed images, beliefs, feelings and bahiour deep into our heart (Emotional Brain). This imbedded event, the deep memory continues to influence our life unless there is an effective intervention to counteract this negative influence.
And what impact on our life can this imbedded event have? It can result in beliefs about God, life, ourselves and others that are not healthy. It can result in a strong expectation of future abuse that then is fulfilled in our life. We become victims waiting for the accident to happen. It can result in deep inner decisions (inner vows) that lock up our future options and block future action. The best intentions of our mind and will are not able to break the deep spell of this inner vow. It can result in emotional reactions that are disproportionate to the event - but we don't know why. It can result in a variety of unhealthy behaviour patterns, personality patterns, fixed family roles, compulsions and addictions.
As children we do not understand adult expressions, humor, and language and because our imaginations are vivid and our emotions responsive we can be traumatized by things adult say that they don't even mean. A young boy refused to get in the bathtub after being taught in swimming class that one can drown in an inch of water. That teaching
Lets learn more about inner healing. What is it? How does it work? What does it accomplish?
Inner healing is the use of prayer therapy to resolve significant root issues, become of addictive patterns, heal the emotional basis of illness and restore mind and spirit damaged by various forms of trauma.
Trauma is a life event that is supercharged with emotion and that has a deep, lasting and negative impact on one's life.
Trauma can be produced by sexual and other forms of abuse, parental neglect or absence.
Emotional abuse is wounding another with our words. If we attack another especially one that is vulnerable or a child with emotional intensity and curse or label them the result can be trauma.
Parental discipline can be deeply comforting to a child when it communicates clearly what the rule is, that the parent is in charge along with respect for the child as a person. The Bible says that we are to be angry but sin not - don't attack the security or identity of another in your rebuke. The Bible says speak the truth in love - deal with the behaviour or the issue don't attack the person.
You do not cause trauma with your emotion but with your words. If your anger is focused on the behaviour and not the child, your discipline or rebuke can be more effective because it is emotional. Just remember to affirm the child as a person after an angry rebuke. Make up or hug and affirm your love after the rebuke.
Anger is a gift of God when we use it to confront wrongdoing, injustice and obstacles to achievement. Anger is wrong when the words we speak attack the other person, undermine their confidence, hurt them or attack their identity.
Don't apologize for your anger. Do apologize for what you said if it was directed against the person to intentionally hurt them.
Emotional abuse is usually the use of our words to undermine and attack a person or their worth or identity. Correcting their behaviour is not abuse; attacking their person is abuse.
Think of what Jesus said. He said: "I am the Way and the Truth and the Life." He is the solution. Each aspect of who He is relates to one of the three different long-term impacts of trauma:
1. Effects on behaviour and character patterns, addictions, bad habits, and inner vows. (Ways.)
2. Effects on expectations, perceptions, judgments, thinking, attitudes, beliefs and feelings about things. (Truth.)
3. Effects that require deliverance from an evil energy, feeling, transference of spirits, etc. (Life.)
The first impact of trauma
A second and somewhat related impact of trauma is the decisions and behavior patterns that result from the trauma. Specifically a deep decision, called an inner vow by the Sandfords, is made at the time of the trauma. A deep decision that creates a persistent attitude or action. A deep decisions that leads to maladapted behaviour. A deep decision that leads to addictions and compulsions. A deep decision that shapes personality patterns in years to come.
Second impact of trauma
In the healing of trauma the first thing I deal with is often the underlying beliefs. Beliefs include terms such as: expectations, prejudices, bitter root judgments, motivating attitudes and fixed unconscious thought patterns. If we were conscious of all this we could call it our thinking. But we are not conscious of it we just believe what we believe and we act upon what we believe. We make decisions and choices based upon what we believe. Our negative emotions can be traced back to these beliefs. This unconscious level of thinking that people have said shapes so much: "You are what you think."
Questions to Ponder:
What is the general principle of inner healing?
What is the focus of cognitive behavioral therapy?
How is prayer therapy similar to cognitive behavioral therapy?
What Biblical promise comes into effect when one uses cognitive prayer therapy?