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People Pleasing - a sacrifice for love

© by George Hartwell M.Sc. commercial rights reserved

People pleasers sell their precious soul to hold on to love.  As a people pleaser, I will sacrifice my very identity to keep people happy with me.

There is idolatry here.  God is the source of our identity and when people are given the right to dictate who we are, then we have made an idol of people.  Note: God has no tolerance of idolatry.

In the shadowy unconscious of the people pleaser is deep doubt about self worth and lovability.  Deep in the heart of the people pleaser are fearful thoughts such as: I have done something wrong, I am bad, no one can love me.

To gain a place in the hearts of others the people pleaser sets out to gain approval, to avoid offence, to be perfect, to never get angry.

Fear drives some people pleasers to constantly strive, work and achieve.  These become work addicts and Type A personality.

Some, like Martha in the Bible, always serve to gain approval.  Like Martha, they miss friendship and fellowship with their over-focus on serving.

Some People Pleasers become perfectionists.  They may achieve at the top of their class until they realize that this is not bringing them love.  At that point they collapse into depression and under function.

Some compete to be better than everyone.  Even friends and family find life with this person is one grand competition.

What happens to our heart and soul when we get in the web of being a people pleaser?  Do things get better over time?  Do fears of not being loved subside?

Unfortunately this web of beliefs and self deception often gets tighter.  Without intervention the Type A Personality gets a heart attack.  The perfectionist gets a depression.  In brief, there can be serious long term implications:


Fear, anxiety

Nervous breakdown

Relationship breakdown

Loss of creativity

Identity confusion

Health problems

We need to understand the dynamics of people pleasing. Why is escape is not natural, likely or easy?  What goes on in people pleasing?



The People Pleasing Theme:

People Pleasing and Love Addiction


People Pleasing and losing out on love


People Pleasing - The Program and the Pit


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People Pleasing - a sacrifice for love 'People pleasers sell their soul to hold on to love.'

George Hartwell M.Sc. holds a Masters of Science from the Department of Educational Psychology of the University of Calgary.  His professional experience includes couple therapy and adult psychotherapy in various settings.  His 25 years of private practice in Toronto, Ontario have deepened his ability to bring healing to relationships and to participate in the deep transformation of lives.  This is documented in testimonies and by his Board of Reference.

Mr. Hartwell's services are offerred on a fee for service basis.  Services include: in person sessions @ $100 / hour, 60 minute phone consultations, mini-retreats and weekend retreats.  Mini-retreats are very successful in providing concentrated work on a problem.  I provide three hours per day for week at my Mississauga office.  Weekend retreats involve 12 to 15 hours of therapy can be scheduled on Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday and can be held at my office or a suitable 'retreat' setting out of town.  The retreats are there to provide you with individual attention.  They are group sessions.  Nor are they preplanned and packaged, rather the therapy focusses on your objectives using my skills to design a process that expedites the discovery of truth and the experience of healing (significant transformation of root issues and fundamental life patterns.)

Mr. Hartwell will book one retreat per month so phone or e-mail to book your own time.  A non-refundable deposit will be required to confirm any booking.  There is no charge for consultations leading up to booking therapy time.


For Sessions with George, Retreats or Phone Counseling: counselling

(416) 234-1850 or E-mail: e-mail G Hartwell

 www.HealMyLife.com (counselling) and www.HealMyLife.net (retreats)


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