Counselling with George Hartwell
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In my practice, I observe the following benefits in couples who remain faithful to the process of marital therapy:
1. Increased bonding - the intimate connection that holds a couple together. This partnership becomes the key emotional strength of the couple and enables them to deal with almost any crisis.
2. People becoming more relaxed and peaceful. They have less anxiety and tension. One reason for this is that, with the sense of partnership with their mate, they do not feel alone.
3. People are more confident in themselves, more secure in their identity and less defensive in marital or other conflicts.
4. There is increased emotional intelligence - the ability to tune in and listen to another. This may result in increased personal effectiveness in the workplace.
5. The couple reaps more joy and other rewards from life including financial blessings.
6. Often during marriage counselling, one or other of the couple is also moving through and identity transformation. Once they leave behind the conflicts of the old personality pattern, they have energy and motivation to move ahead in life.
What Couples want in Marriage counselling to restore love, connection and bonding
1. Couples always
give the love connection and bonding as their top priority
in Christian Marriage counseling.
2. Each member of a couple
brings their own particular life
and relationship patterns from childhood and previous relationship experiences.
3. Couples who stay
together are diligent in acknowledging one another but in my marriage
counselling office one person does not notice the other by
acknowledging their position or their feeling.
persistent a couple
is - persistent in the process of marital therapy - the better
chance that they will establish a marital bonding that hold them
together in the face of life's major stressors.
intimate couples are able to creatively attack the other problems in
life together. Authentic community, game-free couple
intimacy is a very creative and life-giving experience.
Some testimonies about my style as a Marriage Counsellor
George provides a "non-threatening environment"
"The non-threatening environment enabled us to open our hearts and minds to see our situation in a more postive way. George's professionalism, and acute awareness of communication is positively unique. We highly recommend George for anyone who is seeking purpose, direction, and solution for life situations." Vern and Mary of North Carolina.
"Exceeded my expectations"
"I have received a significant amount of
emotional and spiritual freedom. The benefits of marriage
counselling far exceeded my expectations. George's approach clarified
a lot as well as giving me new understanding of my wife. I think I
was able to open up for her - make myself vulnerable." Brian
"I felt cared for and listening to"
"My beliefs and values were respected. Even when I reacted once it was allowed. I didn't hold back. I felt cared for and listened to. I gained emotional freedom." Marge D.
"Thank God for George"
"I always thank God for George and how he has helped me and my family. He is able to lead me through my confusion and distractions to an encounter with the Living God in whom there is abundant life and healing! Praise God!" Wendy M.
Fees, Location and Contact Phone Number:
Cost is $150 for a 90 minutes session. If you have been in couple therapy you may remember the frustration of the 50 minute session. Most couples find that 90 minutes provides a more satisfying and effective marital therapy experience.
(See also marriage retreats)
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy involves: 1. identifying the relationship cycle, 2. experiencing the underlying feelings and issues, 3. unwinding the unhealthy patterns and 4. allowing tender feelings and needs for closeness to be expressed and responded to.
Research supports the success of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy in building or renewing marital bonding in 12 to 20 sessions. It has been found that such gains are maintained over the long term.
Family Therapy and Professional Services background:
(416) 234-1850 or
FAQ's in Christian Marriage Counselling
Q. In your experience, how does
counselling help end an abusive relationship?
Q. What do you do to solve
communication problems in marriages?
Q. How can you help us with a
Q. How can we achieve deeper levels of intimacy?
Q. I don't believe that my partner is the right person for me. I no longer love them. We are not suited. We have become enemies. How will professional counselling make any difference?
A. It is normal in a committed couple relationship to begin to see our partner as our enemy. "If they would change, I would be happy," we think. We are pulled to look for love and understanding elsewhere. We are at risk for adultery.
Before we get in to the promised land of faithful covenant Christian marriage we may encounter giants from our past in what we see and experience in our partner. Issues of great significance from our past do need to be resolved. This is best done with a counsellor who is familiar with healing issues of heart and spirit.
When you are empty inside it may mean that what I call "core issues" need to be dealt with. It may not all be your partner.
When we do not like to admit that we have faults or face our negtive possibilites, we tend to blame our partner. Best to take Jesus' advice and take the log out of your own eye. If the "log" is blocking your perspective, then the counselling process can be the least painful of facing it.
In every relationship there are stages to entering into real unity. Scott Peck outlines three steps before we reach unity. That means that it is normal to enter into periods of conflict and power struggle. You are each trying to be right, or set the agenda, or make the other better. Counselling will help if you are willing to face the fact that some of these behaviours are preventing you from reaching community.
Sometimes our partner looks like the worse aspects of our mother or father. This is hard to love. But it is not all your partner's fault. You are more likely to feel pain from behaviour that hurts in the place of unhealed issues. Your own expectation of that this pain will occur also acts upon your partner to bring out of them the very beahviour you hate. They need to take responsibility for their behaviour but you may find that healing up your own wounded heart may help reduce this type of pain in your relationship.
It is inevitable that your partner will remind you of your childhood issues; will seem more and more like your childhood abuser. Guaranteed. Your perceptions, beliefs, feelings and reactions toward your partner are being powerfully shaped by your unresolved childhood issues. You will experience again what you experienced before - until you overcome the enemy within. To it does not all depend on your partner. You can help your marriage by seeking healing for the issues of your heart.
Your partner is in the same process of seeing their worse fears, deepest hurts and unresolved issues being fulfilled in you. Their perception of you, understanding of you, feelings toward you will be deeply and fundamentally based on past experience until "past experience" is dealt with. Professionals who use prayer therapy inner healing will help in this process.
Health: Being in a bonded marital relationship
results in 50% less heart attacks.
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George Hartwell, Heal My Life.com, Toronto, Ontario (416) 234-1850
The retreat center is available from Rochester, Buffalo, Syracuse, Niagara Falls,New York, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Toledo, Ohio, Detroit, Flint, Ann Arbor, Jackson, Battle Creek, Grand Rapids, Michigan, U.S.A. In Ontario we are accessible from Windsor, London, Brantford, Kitchener, Hamilton, Burlington, Oshawa, Belleville, Peterborough, Sudbury, and places in between.
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